My Real Moment (sort of)

I talked earlier about not having that ‘moment’ in the delivery room.

Victoria was born at 4:41pm and by 6p, 6:15p, 6:30p, I still hadn’t seen my baby girl. I’d finally mostly stopped shivering and had been wheeled up to recovery and I was waiting.

How strange to nurture something in your belly for 9 months, it’s taken from you and then you’re the only one who hasn’t seen it.

Mark went to find out when we’d get her and was gone for a while. I sat in the recovery room by myself thinking ‘this seems odd…. Shouldn’t someone be here?’ I talked to my folks and Mark’s folks and they were on their way. They’d been there earlier for the birth and were told it’d be an hour or so before I’d be able to visit so they took off for a bite.

Mark finally came back and happily told me he got to bathe our daughter. I’m SO glad that he happened in the nursery when he did. What a wonderful experience for him to be the first to clean her sweet, little body. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I’m sure he’ll always remember that moment.

So together we sat… waiting for our daughter. Mark, who was very diligent about posting pictures and blog updates was eager to get the birth pics posted. He was told she’d be in soon and she still wasn’t. He was convinced he could get them posted so off he went (just down the hall for the internet connection). There I sat.

I had so many questions, was she pretty? Did she have hair? Eyebrows? My ears? My thumbs? (Not my favorite features) What does she look like?

My folks got there. It was good to see them – I was in such lousy shape last time I saw them as I was being wheeled into surgery. I was glad they were there.

Then the door opened, the sound of a bassinet rattled into the room and from my bed I could see a little bundled dob of a baby with a striped cap on. The nurse scooped her up, brought her to me and I finally laid eyes on my new daughter.

I’ve never felt anything like I did that moment. I looked down at this creature who’d been growing inside me for months and I finally got to see her sweet face. I was completely overwhelmed. I burst into tears and only remember saying “She’s so pretty!” I touched her pink cheek, her hairy head, looked at her perfect lips and I wept. I openly wept, along with my parents, at this amazing miracle. This truly was my moment. I hope to always remember the complete awe I felt at that moment, the overwhelming gratitude and disbelief that I’d done anything so right in my life to be blessed with such an angel. She was perfect and she was mine. I did that, I made that, I was part of such an amazing creation. THAT was the moment.

Mark came in shortly after that having missed the first introduction but he was there in time to still see tears - Buckets of tears rolling over my cheeks as I held our sweet little girl for the first time. I’m sure I said other things. But I have no idea what they were. I was completely lost in this moment.

Except for the fact that the nurse was still standing there rattling off all my instructions for having her in there. How many times to feed her, how much to feed her, where the supplies were, blah, blah, blah. I didn’t hear a word she said. She talked through my tears, my excitement, my awe, my moment.

I should have asked her to come back later – funny she didn’t just decide to do that on her own.

But who cares? I had in my arms, the most amazing thing I’d ever done. And she was breathtaking.