The Big Moment

Perhaps everyone is like this, perhaps it’s just me. But I always envisioned ‘the moment’ of childbirth. You know, the moment the kid is pulled out and a grand exclamation is made “IT’S A GIRL!!” I’m weeping with joy, my husband is crying too and kissing me on the forehead for this miraculous gift I’ve just given him.

Turns out, life isn’t like the movies.

My first disappointment came at finding out we had to have a C-section. It’s not quite what I bargained for, and not what I was prepared for. Who wants major surgery if they can avoid it? In fact, I couldn’t have been more stunned to hear the doctor suggest that would be the best way to go. But our little girl wasn’t budging on her own, and her little heart rate was having a hard time climbing back up after each time I pushed. So, why risk it?

Okay. C-section isn’t the end of the world. I know many, many women who’ve had them – no big deal. Mark can still be in there and I’ll be awake to hear things and see her.

Here is my second disappointment. I guess I’m a tad sensitive to the epidural – which is what they give you for a C-section so you don't feel the pain. The goal is to numb you from the chest down and your arms, shoulders, head will all be awake. The anesthesiologist didn’t seem too concerned when I first said “Should I be feeling this in my hands?” He suggested that I may have been sleeping on my arms and they were asleep. I kept saying “But they’re really numb… both of them.” But it was when I finally said “I can’t breathe” that got his attention. He quickly moved into high gear, checking me out and realizing that I’m a touch more sensitive than most. So, off we went to the Operating Room.

I felt terrible! I truly couldn’t breathe and thought I was going to die. I knew I was in good hands and I had Mark by my side the whole time, but I just knew I was going to die. I had to focus ALL energy on “Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale…” That’s all I could think about, that’s all I could do. I spent the whole surgery focusing on breathing and barely remember hearing a cry, I barely remember Mark saying something to make the doctors laugh, I vaguely remember them bringing my brand new baby girl over by my head and letting me look at her. But I was miserable looking at her: I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think of anything other then ‘inhale, exhale’ and didn’t even get to look at Mark when he saw her for the first time. Talk about major disappointment.

What happened to my moment?

Then I got to thinking… What if I had waited to find out what we were having? I originally wanted to wait to find out, you know, for the moment. I would have been lying there in a stupor while they announced what I had and I’d have to wait for the meds to wear off before I’d find out.

I guess expectations can always get the best of us. They surely did me.

I sat there after surgery, shivering uncontrollably – which I’ve heard can be normal after birth and especially after a C-section. I had the most violent chills of anything I’d ever experienced. Again, thinking I was dying, I asked the nurses for help. They brought me some warm blankets and wrapped one around my head. I was dopey, uncomfortable, still shivering uncontrollably and still hadn’t seem my baby.

What happened to my moment? I’m sure others have similar stories.

I guess it’s best to do what my birthing class instructor told us to: Be open!! Be open to having anything happen – anything at all. Child birth is never ‘the norm’ and can really take many interesting twists and turns so be ready to roll with the punches – all of them.

Why don’t we ever see THAT in the movies?